Chilled to the bone – PUNishment of a life time!

A title inspired by my brother telling me my puns are dreadful. Well all I can say is I don’t give a rats ass (excuse my language here :p) I enjoy making the puns and that’s what counts. So not exactly punishment of a life time but been chilling out all evening and been a bit chilly at times. I could just go with the puns if I bothered trying but I’m not going to. I have better things to do! 😀

So again I missed my lab deadline and yet again I still manage to make progress and get done what we wanted to somehow. I think I have enough to do the write up well now. Its just a case of actually getting on and doing it. The main thing is that I am making progress and some how by God’s amazing grace manage to keep going forward inspite of deserving to at least stagnate if not regress in the natural. I am so grateful for all that God has done to keep me going despite the hard work required.

Moving on I mentioned in yesterdays post (which sorry it was posted a bit late, I got delayed by being distracted by various things – it happens) about Friday’s post and my nerves about it. I feel I’m making the right decision in sticking with this plan but I fear feeling isolated at best or out of my depth and just finding myself unable to really interact with anyone other than my closer friends because I have been paralysed by fear of what went on in the car – and this is before even getting there. I know I’m being stupid and over-analysing it all but I find myself carrying on anyway and it frustrates me and becomes a vicious cycle that just ends up me spiralling into a pit of depression because I feel so lonely and isolated – based on past experience, thank God I haven’t spiraled there yet. I pray that I don’t and genuinely don’t want to – I believe I can break the cycle just as with everything else but I can’t get past the experiences of my past and the doubt/self-doubt that always comes with stuff like this (and yes the is a difference between doubt and self-doubt – doubt is you doubt it can happen for you and self-doubt is that you just don’t believe your strong enough to get past it, subtle but very different).

The one thing I have learnt in all my years of living is the past will cripple you to the point where a wilting, half rotten vegetable.has more life in it than you – unless you don’t let it. A simple thought really but so hard to apply at times and I don’t know of anyone who has digressed that much (I am discounting any debilitating diseases etc here I am merely referring to anything which has a negative impact on your life) but from how far down I have gone I do believe it is possible to get that bad if you allow yourself. I say this to emphasis just how fragile humans are and to give you just a little picture of how I feel I might as well be when I get into one of these spirals.

Moving on it time to review the rest of my targets from yesterday and set some new one. I have been feeling pretty good and there was news which really excited me that I will post up later when and if the details all come through. I did well with my prayer list today (I think) and have had a fairly relaxed evening so overall I have had a good day bar the late getting to lab incident – which is bothering me as it has happened at least twice in a row this week which I don’t think is acceptable. But enough about that – I don’t need to pull myself down by punishing myself over it particularly when I’m at risk of going somewhere down the spiral tommorow with the party anyway.

So quite a depressing read today (sorry – hadn’t planned that, promise) so here’s a picture to cheer us all up:

And if that doesn’t get you then this might:

Or maybe this:

And if none of that works well all I have is this:

Unless you’d like some cake first:

Oh sorry the cake is a lie! :p Hehe!

Well now we’ve all had a bit of a laugh (I hope – I certainly have a smile on my face now :p) it’s about time I set my targets for tommorow:

• Relax about the party and the car ride there – just don’t think about it in fact.
• Get to my final lab for 9.30 (yes I know I have been late and I have been aiming half an hour later but I have a lot to do and I need the extra motivation).
• Have fun at the party – don’t just lurk in the corner and feel left out because I’m too shy to interact with anyone (which happens depressingly often even on normal occasions so a bit of a big ask but I can do it with God on my side).
• Just be me – don’t let my shyness hold me back as it so often has in the past.
• Get to bed by 12.30 latest tonight.

Well lots to think about and digest so I shall leave it there for tonight. Goodnight!

I 0:)