Chilled to the bone – PUNishment of a life time!

A title inspired by my brother telling me my puns are dreadful. Well all I can say is I don’t give a rats ass (excuse my language here :p) I enjoy making the puns and that’s what counts. So not exactly punishment of a life time but been chilling out all evening and been a bit chilly at times. I could just go with the puns if I bothered trying but I’m not going to. I have better things to do! 😀

So again I missed my lab deadline and yet again I still manage to make progress and get done what we wanted to somehow. I think I have enough to do the write up well now. Its just a case of actually getting on and doing it. The main thing is that I am making progress and some how by God’s amazing grace manage to keep going forward inspite of deserving to at least stagnate if not regress in the natural. I am so grateful for all that God has done to keep me going despite the hard work required.

Moving on I mentioned in yesterdays post (which sorry it was posted a bit late, I got delayed by being distracted by various things – it happens) about Friday’s post and my nerves about it. I feel I’m making the right decision in sticking with this plan but I fear feeling isolated at best or out of my depth and just finding myself unable to really interact with anyone other than my closer friends because I have been paralysed by fear of what went on in the car – and this is before even getting there. I know I’m being stupid and over-analysing it all but I find myself carrying on anyway and it frustrates me and becomes a vicious cycle that just ends up me spiralling into a pit of depression because I feel so lonely and isolated – based on past experience, thank God I haven’t spiraled there yet. I pray that I don’t and genuinely don’t want to – I believe I can break the cycle just as with everything else but I can’t get past the experiences of my past and the doubt/self-doubt that always comes with stuff like this (and yes the is a difference between doubt and self-doubt – doubt is you doubt it can happen for you and self-doubt is that you just don’t believe your strong enough to get past it, subtle but very different).

The one thing I have learnt in all my years of living is the past will cripple you to the point where a wilting, half rotten vegetable.has more life in it than you – unless you don’t let it. A simple thought really but so hard to apply at times and I don’t know of anyone who has digressed that much (I am discounting any debilitating diseases etc here I am merely referring to anything which has a negative impact on your life) but from how far down I have gone I do believe it is possible to get that bad if you allow yourself. I say this to emphasis just how fragile humans are and to give you just a little picture of how I feel I might as well be when I get into one of these spirals.

Moving on it time to review the rest of my targets from yesterday and set some new one. I have been feeling pretty good and there was news which really excited me that I will post up later when and if the details all come through. I did well with my prayer list today (I think) and have had a fairly relaxed evening so overall I have had a good day bar the late getting to lab incident – which is bothering me as it has happened at least twice in a row this week which I don’t think is acceptable. But enough about that – I don’t need to pull myself down by punishing myself over it particularly when I’m at risk of going somewhere down the spiral tommorow with the party anyway.

So quite a depressing read today (sorry – hadn’t planned that, promise) so here’s a picture to cheer us all up:

And if that doesn’t get you then this might:

Or maybe this:

And if none of that works well all I have is this:

Unless you’d like some cake first:

Oh sorry the cake is a lie! :p Hehe!

Well now we’ve all had a bit of a laugh (I hope – I certainly have a smile on my face now :p) it’s about time I set my targets for tommorow:

• Relax about the party and the car ride there – just don’t think about it in fact.
• Get to my final lab for 9.30 (yes I know I have been late and I have been aiming half an hour later but I have a lot to do and I need the extra motivation).
• Have fun at the party – don’t just lurk in the corner and feel left out because I’m too shy to interact with anyone (which happens depressingly often even on normal occasions so a bit of a big ask but I can do it with God on my side).
• Just be me – don’t let my shyness hold me back as it so often has in the past.
• Get to bed by 12.30 latest tonight.

Well lots to think about and digest so I shall leave it there for tonight. Goodnight!

I 0:)

The power of Christ

Another of those days where things have been strange – I missed not just the 9 am but the 11.15 service as well because I was knackered, which is frankly not an excuse and I do need to work on. Worse I was also a bit late to church for set up, and whilst it didn’t matter and everything worked it ok it’s not ok and I want to do better. A large part of the culture we are trying to set in the worship team (covering both production which of course is what I’m on and the worship band) is bringing the best us possible and being late is not bring the best me there is.

Inspite of all this I feel pretty good about my day. Sure I had a rather slow start but when I got to church I started to do what I needed to do only for someone else turning up for my job because they thought they were on instead. This worked out well in the end as they were short of people on cameras because it was baptisms and they needed an extra person who wasn’t on rota so I got to learn how to mix and hop on the camera being used to record/show on the screens the baptisms going on. It was the first baptism we did since going to 2 Sunday evening services (making it 4 services a day) and we changed the layout completely. There was an element introduced into the previous baptism which we carried on with so that was good. I may go into the details another time but not today. 

I have a busy week coming up with me needing to get into the labs pretty much all day everyday for the whole week and I have things going on 4 evenings out of 5 so its going to be a good week as I will have plenty of time to be active which is good. 

My targets for tommorow are:

• Get to the lab by 10 at the latest.
• Get to worship team in good spirit no matter how bad or good the rest of my day has been.
• Make sure I make enough time to read my bible/pray etc.

I 0:)